Sacred Silence- Balm For A Mother's Soul

Have you ever experienced a silence so thick, it was actually loud?

A potent, roaring silence that rings and begins to hurt your ears.

A silence so stifling you can’t help but clear your throat, or shuffle your feet; just do something to break the deafening silence!

It’s not a common experience, especially in our time. The whir of machines. The hum of electricity. The white noise of life. Traffic. Construction. Screens. 

It’s all so…loud.

Even in the most serene of natural settings, there is wind, wildlife. 

There is a special silence, found only inside.

A cocoon that muffles the outside world.

People report experiencing this intensity of silence in old buildings. In caves. In tombs.

A pastor once told me he visited a mass grave filled with bones and the silence was so loud, he couldn’t bear to stay inside. He thought his ears would burst.

I experienced this type of deafening silence last week at St Gabriel’s Retreat House, at the All Saints Sisters Convent. (Est. 1917, with historical roots dating back to the early 1800’s) St Gabriel’s has been many things over the years (hospital, school, etc) but the current mission is to be a place that opens it’s doors to men & women seeking spiritual refreshment in our noisy, post-Christian culture. It is a place pregnant with prayer, intended to give people a place to retreat and seek God quietly and intentionally. The nun’s ministry is that of humble hospitality. They have created a mini oasis, and ask nothing in return but your commitment to pursue stillness and prayer while there. 

And just like they lovingly took in all ethnicities of sick and needy children, during times of segregation, so now they also lovingly host all walks of faith during a time we’ve never been so divided. 

Perhaps my favorite thing about the All Saints Sisters is their Anglican patrimony which has instilled a sincere heart of unity among them. 

They have a desire to see Catholics and Protestants united in the hope of the gospel and faith in Christ. I attended a spiritual retreat for young, busy moms last week and was the only Protestant but felt so very welcomed and encouraged in my faith by everyone. 

It was so difficult to unplug, at first. To accept that it was good for me to take this time away. It was uncomfortable to leave my children and responsibilities behind for a day, and just sit in stillness. My husband’s enthusiastic support of me going and relaxing made all the difference! That was such a gift to me.

It took some practice, laying aside each worry or thought as it came. I envisioned a basket at my feet that I would cast each concern into, one by one, all day long, as they came up. 

Here, Lord, take this. And this. This too.

I was able to explore the magnificent St. Gabriel’s House that contained more history than I could possibly absorb in one day. I walked scenic, hallowed grounds that pilgrims before me paved. I got to take in the beauty of God’s creation on a misty, gray day. I took a nap, in one of the guest rooms. I cried. I laughed and had meaningful conversations with my Catholic, fellow mamas, as well as the Sisters. I was served wonderful food. I attended Mass and received a blessing from the priest. I journaled, read, crocheted, wrote. 

It refreshed me in a way I’ve never been refreshed before. It wasn’t like a concert or women’s conference that left me on a spiritual high. But it forced me to return to the bedrock of my faith and sit there with Jesus in prayer. Quietly. I found a fresh strength to return to the unique struggles in my life. To endure the grief and sorrows special to my situation. I felt like I could also return to the blessings in my life with a newfound ability to embrace them! I entered into a new level of nearness with God I haven’t experienced before! And when I got in my car to leave, the radio blasted on and I turned it right off. I thought about how we’re all so uncomfortable with silence. We need music, a fan running at night, TV on in the background to feel ok. But here, now, I just wanted more silence. I wanted to soak up the last of it on my way home to my busy, loud, wonderful, sometimes difficult life. And I’ve decided to intentionally create margin for silence and stillness in my life this year as a spiritual discipline for the health of my soul. If this sounds like something you are craving as well, reach out to me. I have some ideas, and I can help you carve out space like this for yourself as well.